MY Jesus


If you’ve read any of my other writings you might be asking yourself why I refer to Jesus as “My” Jesus. Simply put – Because my is a possessive pronoun. It is personal. It reflects ownership. He is Mine and I am His.

You see, for so many years I lived life with a flawed view of God. It was this flawed view that allowed me to fall so far from Him. I saw him as a Judge on a throne, looming over the world. While He is a righteous God who will judge sin – He is also a God who has redeemed us from  penalty of sin. If that isn’t Love, I don’t know what is.

My Jesus is.. Compassionate. Full of Mercy. Loving. Caring. Righteous. A Healer. A Physician. A Help. My Shepherd. My Restorer. My Peace. Truth. Faithful. My All in All. Oh how I could just continue on and on. It my deepest darkest moments, he was there. He always shows up. In the most personal and loving ways. If I may, I’d like to share one of those moments with you.

(Before I do that, it is important for you to know (If you don’t already) for this stories purpose, that the love of my life, my husband of 15 years, died of a drug overdose in January of 2015.)

In the summer of 2016, I was encouraged by an amazing lady, Hannah, to go to the Lord in prayer, and ask Him to give me something to cling to when I was visited with the memories surrounding my Husband. I did that for many months, with no answer.

I wondered many times why God was silent. I knew He heard me. I was sure He cared. But why no answer?

It was especially puzzling to me because she had encouraged me to do the same thing with the memories of the 2 babies that died following their births. He gave me scripture to cling to almost immediately. So I wondered – Why is He refusing to answer my other prayer?

Months later it became so clear and I was so thankful that He waited. On what would’ve been my 16th wedding anniversary, He gave me exactly what I needed.

Two simple words – “Jesus Wept” (John 11:35)

If you aren’t familiar with the context of that verse – Let me get you up to speed. This is the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. Jesus knew that Lazarus was sick, yet he did not hurry to “heal” Him. When he finally arrived, Mary was distraught and questioned Jesus as to where He was.

32“Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.” 33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled. 34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. 35 Jesus wept.

Did you read Verse 33? If not – go back and read it. Do you see how Mary’s distraught affected Him? It says he “groaned in the spirit, and was troubled” Just think for a second what that might look like. In my mind he was feeling empathy for those around Him. He felt what they felt. He hurt because of their hurt. He wept – Not cried – Wept with them!

I want you to stop right there and remember – Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the Dead. He said so in Verse 4. Long before he died. When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby. 

IMPORTANT: What I want you to understand here: He was not weeping for the same reasons everyone else was. He was weeping because of their distraught. Their loss. He cared…. He Cares.

I hope your following along with me, but if I’ve lost you, and you’re wondering how this applies to my situation. Here’s how – He CARES!

He cares that I will never again get another scratchy bearded kiss from my husband (I loved how he looked with facial hair!) . That I will not ever get to laugh at his sarcastic humor again (Oh, How I miss his humor!) .That I will not get to grow old with Him. That I will not get to see him size up any “unsuitable” (Let’s just be real – no one is ever good enough to marry their daughter) man that his daughters bring home. That my children will never get to say the words “daddy” to Him again. That they will not have their father there on the most important days of their lives. He cares about those hurts. This passage made me see Christ in a different light. One I’ve never known before that day.LovesSweetly



If you know anything about me, you know that I’ve had an issue with becoming bitter at the Lord in the past.. and I never want to be in that place again.

 I know it might seem silly.. But to me it meant the world, that he choose to give to me on THAT day, exactly what I needed. It helps me to put things in perspective when it comes to the Lord and Him “Allowing that to happen.” It helps me to remember that Jesus KNOWS and CARES about my heartache. And that He never allows pain without a purpose.

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit” – Psalm 34:18

God is seldom early. Never Late. His timing is always perfect. In this case – this couldn’t be more true!


Read about Chrystal’s life Here


2 thoughts on “MY Jesus

  1. Pingback: Life’s Not Fair | Only By His Grace

  2. Pingback: Willfully Ignorant | Only By His Grace

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