History ALWAYS Repeats Itself


A little comicality before I get into the thick of the topic 🙂

The Topic: “History ALWAYS Repeats Itself”

This phrase struck a nerve with me earlier today as I read it on a social media post. It was written with strong emphasis on the word ‘always’, using all caps. Most of us have a “history” that we’d rather not repeat – mine is my addiction. I realize this person did not direct this toward me, still this is where ‘my mind’ went!

I think the reason why it insighted such negative feelings is because the world tells those that have once struggled with an addiction that they will always be addicts. That they will find themselves in a never-ending battle, with constant relapses. Can you even begin to imagine the defeat they must feel with that ideal being beat into them. A statement like the one I read today, leaves NO hope for those in what appear to be hopeless situations.

It was a little over a year ago where I felt this way. I honestly felt doomed to be in a constant cycle of relapse! I really believed that I would never be “free” from my addiction to opiates. I know many people that have struggled with addiction and they have all felt this way. I also know that many people that have looked from the outside in would agree with the statement below.


I’ll just be honest. It’s hard when people look at you and think “She will always be a drug addict, even if she IN recovery. There is no cure!”

I think it’s just human nature to want those closest to you to “believe” in you! To think you can do it! I’m lucky in that I have so many people around me that have never given up on me!! Particularly my parents and children!

However, I know many who live without any hope or support. They live with the label “addict”. Their identity is wrapped around that word and everything that it means. Stop and think about that for a second. Words mean things. Have you ever been called something with a negative conotation? Ugly? Lazy? Useless? Stupid? Worthless? What have these words done to you??

Don’t get me wrong, addict is an appropriate term for someone IN active addiction. The definition of Addict: A Person who is addicted to an activity, habit, or substance. But why are we forced to carry around this for the rest of our lives? I feel like the world has preprogrammed us to believe that there is no hope. That relapse is okay. It’s expected. It will happen. They have set us up for failure before our recovery has even started.

I realize the world believes this way, because they really don’t have any answers, any hope. It is my desire to share with the world that there is hope!

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. – 2 Corinthians 5:17

 32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. – John 8:32

Jesus really can free you from your addiction. Please visit the links I’ve shared to find out more! If you have questions, leave a comment or contact me via email! I would love to share more about Him with you!! He isn’t that “Big God in the Sky” looming over you, as I once thought. He is a personal God and cares deeply about you. So much so that He gave His life for YOU!!!! 

Praying for all of you that have come across this page and need Hope!


Read about Chrystal’s life Here
HOPE 4 the Addicted

Need Help?
RU Recovery Ministries – Faith Based Addictions Ministry.
RU Homes – Residential Treatment for those who need a little more help.


One Foot in the World

“To Live In the World and Not Of The World”


In the past, this is something that has proved to be a huge struggle for me. It has caused me to falter in my walk with the Lord over and over. If I am being completely transparent here, I must admit that there was a time in my life shortly after my husband passed away, where I was completely aware of the direction I was headed and still choose it.

Why, you might be asking? Well – The answer is one I don’t even like saying out loud, but here it goes. I was selfish. I desired to please “my flesh” more than I did my Jesus. More than I did my family. More then I did those that Loved me and were rooting for me. Honestly, I really want to hit the backspace on this right now. But I won’t.

For many years, I’ve desired a walk with the Lord, but I’ve also desired the things this world has to offer:

  • Worldly Music
  • Being loved by a man (while this may not in itself be a bad thing, it is when it takes your focus off the Lord. It is when the desire becomes a idle)
  • Alcohol/Drugs
  • Worldly Entertainment (Garbage In, Garbage Out!)
  • Parties (and I don’t mean 1 year old birthday parties!)

15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. – John 2:15-17

Much of my life, I’ve lived with One foot in the world and One foot in church. This combination always leads to a frustrated and unstable walk.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. – James 1 (Emphasis added)

History has proven that when I’m trying to straddle that line, it never takes very long before the world’s pull lures the other foot over. I’d have bouts of victory, and then fall. What I didn’t know then was that I was never truly walking in victory. I was just sober. I knew Jesus, I loved Him, but not more then I did myself. Chrystal still wanted what Chrystal wanted. Even if it meant compromising her relationship with the Lord or others. Wow – That’s ugly!

Chrystal still wants what Chrystal wants… But thanks to my walk with the Lord, those desires have changed. His desires have now become my desires.

My constant prayer…  That He would continually keep me in a place where I never again forget my desperate need for Him in my Daily life. Oh how difficult, but sweet, the journey has been to get to this place.

Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain. – Proverbs 30


Read about Chrystal’s life Here

MY Jesus


If you’ve read any of my other writings you might be asking yourself why I refer to Jesus as “My” Jesus. Simply put – Because my is a possessive pronoun. It is personal. It reflects ownership. He is Mine and I am His.

You see, for so many years I lived life with a flawed view of God. It was this flawed view that allowed me to fall so far from Him. I saw him as a Judge on a throne, looming over the world. While He is a righteous God who will judge sin – He is also a God who has redeemed us from  penalty of sin. If that isn’t Love, I don’t know what is.

My Jesus is.. Compassionate. Full of Mercy. Loving. Caring. Righteous. A Healer. A Physician. A Help. My Shepherd. My Restorer. My Peace. Truth. Faithful. My All in All. Oh how I could just continue on and on. It my deepest darkest moments, he was there. He always shows up. In the most personal and loving ways. If I may, I’d like to share one of those moments with you.

(Before I do that, it is important for you to know (If you don’t already) for this stories purpose, that the love of my life, my husband of 15 years, died of a drug overdose in January of 2015.)

In the summer of 2016, I was encouraged by an amazing lady, Hannah, to go to the Lord in prayer, and ask Him to give me something to cling to when I was visited with the memories surrounding my Husband. I did that for many months, with no answer.

I wondered many times why God was silent. I knew He heard me. I was sure He cared. But why no answer?

It was especially puzzling to me because she had encouraged me to do the same thing with the memories of the 2 babies that died following their births. He gave me scripture to cling to almost immediately. So I wondered – Why is He refusing to answer my other prayer?

Months later it became so clear and I was so thankful that He waited. On what would’ve been my 16th wedding anniversary, He gave me exactly what I needed.

Two simple words – “Jesus Wept” (John 11:35)

If you aren’t familiar with the context of that verse – Let me get you up to speed. This is the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. Jesus knew that Lazarus was sick, yet he did not hurry to “heal” Him. When he finally arrived, Mary was distraught and questioned Jesus as to where He was.

32“Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.” 33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled. 34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. 35 Jesus wept.

Did you read Verse 33? If not – go back and read it. Do you see how Mary’s distraught affected Him? It says he “groaned in the spirit, and was troubled” Just think for a second what that might look like. In my mind he was feeling empathy for those around Him. He felt what they felt. He hurt because of their hurt. He wept – Not cried – Wept with them!

I want you to stop right there and remember – Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the Dead. He said so in Verse 4. Long before he died. When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby. 

IMPORTANT: What I want you to understand here: He was not weeping for the same reasons everyone else was. He was weeping because of their distraught. Their loss. He cared…. He Cares.

I hope your following along with me, but if I’ve lost you, and you’re wondering how this applies to my situation. Here’s how – He CARES!

He cares that I will never again get another scratchy bearded kiss from my husband (I loved how he looked with facial hair!) . That I will not ever get to laugh at his sarcastic humor again (Oh, How I miss his humor!) .That I will not get to grow old with Him. That I will not get to see him size up any “unsuitable” (Let’s just be real – no one is ever good enough to marry their daughter) man that his daughters bring home. That my children will never get to say the words “daddy” to Him again. That they will not have their father there on the most important days of their lives. He cares about those hurts. This passage made me see Christ in a different light. One I’ve never known before that day.LovesSweetly



If you know anything about me, you know that I’ve had an issue with becoming bitter at the Lord in the past.. and I never want to be in that place again.

 I know it might seem silly.. But to me it meant the world, that he choose to give to me on THAT day, exactly what I needed. It helps me to put things in perspective when it comes to the Lord and Him “Allowing that to happen.” It helps me to remember that Jesus KNOWS and CARES about my heartache. And that He never allows pain without a purpose.

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit” – Psalm 34:18

God is seldom early. Never Late. His timing is always perfect. In this case – this couldn’t be more true!


Read about Chrystal’s life Here


If you asking yourself “Why did she start this blog?” The answer would simply be because my younger sister, Cari, encouraged me to. (Thank you Cari!)

Why I agreed – I think Psalm 107:1-8 explains it perfectly. Particularly Verse 2.


Psalm 107:1-8

  1. O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
  2. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;
  3. And gathered them out of the lands, from the east, and from the west, from the north, and from the south.
  4. They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in.
  5. Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them.
  6. Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses.
  7. And he lead them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city of habitation. 
  8. Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!

Oh how I love Psalms 107! The entire chapter – Amazing! If you have not read it, you must!

“Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy”

I want to share what Jesus did for me, with others. I want the same hope I have, to be had by so many. There is freedom – IN HIM. Drug addiction is an epidemic in our nation, in our world. I want those without hope to know that they no longer have to continue in the never ending cycle of relapse. There is recovery without relapse through Christ. You may be saying to yourself – Well the religion thing is just not for me. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a real, personal relationship with the almighty God. The same God that sent his son, Jesus, down to earth, to live as man. A Sinless perfect life. One that would end in the most brutal way, beaten, nailed to a cross, despised, spit on – So that one day I could join Him in Heaven. He loves me that much – And He loves you too! He is able to save you!! If you want to know how… Please feel free to contact me, or visit my “Salvation” page. I would love to share more!

Please read my About Me page next. It will tell you about who I am, Where I’ve been, how My Jesus saved me from a deep dark pit (Heroin Addiction).

“Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.” Luke 7:47


Read about Chrystal’s life Here