Not Just Any Ol’ Prince Charming 

It was a long day. A 10 hour shift. I headed over to my mothers, after she extended an invite for dinner. Two things I will never say no to: 1. Time with my children and parents! 2. Italian! (There!! You have the keys to my heart!) 

As I was sitting there, I scrolled through Facebook. I saw that another one of my friends entered into a relationship. Just as soon as I saw it, the words came out of my mouth… “Everyone has a boyfriend, except me.” 

My mothers response was quick, matter of fact, and exactly what I needed to hear….. “Anyone can get a boyfriend, Chrystal. You could walk out that door right now and get one. The difference is you’ve chosen to wait for God to bring you the right man.” 

She quickly reminded me that I had made a decision. One I knew the Lord clearly asked me to. To wait on Him! To not settle. To not entertain the thought of being with someone that would cause my relationship with the Lord to falter, but instead one that would enable it to grow!! Someone who walked with Christ daily. Someone that would love Christ more than anything or anyone, including me!! 

I made this decision during my time in the post graduate program at RU recovery ministries. After a series of events early in my program, I realized how vital it was to my walk with Christ that I made this decision. 

I have made compromises along my life’s path for men. Two in particular. Those compromises lead to huge disasters. (I’m not trying to place the blame on others for the disaster that became my life over and over, stay with me here, you’ll see the point I’m trying to make!)

Previously, I always viewed myself as “submissive!” What I didn’t realize then was the “WHY” for my submissiveness! 

Sure the Bible calls women to be submissive to their husbands, the church to their pastor, the people to their government, and of course… the Christian to God; But my submissiveness wasn’t built on these directives. It was built on an idol complex. 

Simply, a man has always surperceeded God on His throne, in my heart. I needed them to fill a hole that I wasn’t allowing God to fill. To fulfill needs that I believed God couldn’t meet. These were tough truths to swallow about myself.

I made certain choices in life to accommodate the relationships. To prove my love. To be who they wanted me to be, so that they could be who I NEEDED them to be.  

One of the things my late husband use to say to me was “I love you for the way you love me. For how you see me. No matter if I’m doing good or bad, you still love me.” (For those of you who don’t know, but might be reading this… My husband died of a heroin overdose in early 2015. We both entered into our addiction together during a time in our life where sorrow was the place we called home.) When he said those words to me, it was during a sweet moment when we were walking in victory and Satan’s grasp had lost its hold on us, at least for a few short years. 

It was the memory of those words that the Lord prompted me to take a look at why I was the way I was with men. And what it all meant. 

A few things he showed me during the sweet time that I sought his face through this were: 

1. Don’t Doubt Gods ability to fulfill all of my needs!!! But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19. He can fulfill every single one of them, only IF I allow Him to! 

2. Don’t get ahead of God. There are so many verses about waiting on Him!! Through my life’s journey I’ve realized that there is nothing outside of Gods will that I want for my life, including a man….therefore, I will wait on Him!

  The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD. -Lam 3:24-26

3. Don’t settle. God may or may not have a man for me, but Satan definitely has one!! Be certain you can spot the fake! 

4. Hide yourself!! God doesn’t need your help! Putting yourself out there will not attract the kind of man you desire or need, anyways!! Gods word tells men: “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing….” To find something it MUST be hidden right?!  

This last one can be so difficult. In a world where you can “swipe” left or right to choose a potential mate, it is hard to not fall prey to giving God a little “help!” It’s easy for Satan’s whispers to get in there and tell me lies that I start to believe, causing me to want to take control and do the finding!!! But then I’m gently nudged by that still small voice that says…. 

Trust.

Wait. 

Hide. 

Thankful today for my very Best friend, my mother, who He has used time and time again to nudge me back to the cross!! 

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In Someone Else’s Shoes


Almost two weeks ago now, my immediate family received some news we were devastated to hear. 

My sister who is away at a faith based addictions program had been medically discharged.  For those of you that do not know my family personally, this is the same inpatient program that the Lord gave me my victory at! The very one where I learned how to walk with Jesus! 

I won’t get into why she was discharged, because really the why isn’t important. It’s what the Lord has shown me, and her, through the entire situation, that is. 

1. He can handle any “mess!” Don’t doubt him! Don’t try to manipulate the situation, even if you have the best of intentions!! 

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6

Oh, how we wanted to fix the situation!! And we tried. Phone calls were made, texts were sent.

All the while, I KNEW in the back of my head that God knew. That He was working. I even said things like, “what we need to be doing is praying!…. He cares…. He’s brought Her this far, He’s not just going to abandon her now!” Yet, I still felt the need to intervene and convince those that made the decision that it wasn’t the right one! That Her life laid in the balance! 

However, I’m thankful they didn’t waiver, and stuck to their decision! I know without a shadow of a doubt, God has used in a mighty way….. you’ll see why shortly. 

2. Don’t doubt for a second that your choices don’t have a great affect on those that love you!! It’s painful being on the outside looking in. 

For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. – Romans 14:7

It gave me a new perspective. I was once in her place. The one causing all sorts of pain, worry, anger, discouragement, and heartache. I trampled on the hope my family had, time and time again. To finally feel just a glimmer of what they felt was heartrenching for many different reasons. 

In the past, I knew the pain I must have had been causing, but I had never “felt” it before. Not this kind. I had always wept for what I had been doing or what I did (usually when the drugs wore off) but never for a situation quite like this. It’s so hard when your looking from the outside in, just praying they would “get it!” That she would realize that Jesus is THE answer!! That He has a beautiful life for her!! One that we so desperately want to be a part of!! 

3. Gods plans are ALWAYS better than ours!! 

Sometimes the opposite of what we think should happen, is exactly God’s plan. His design. I’m 100% positive that those that made the decision to discharge her, prayed before making it. It wasn’t one made flippantly. 

Prior to the series of events that lead us to exactly where we are at today, I don’t believe my sisters heart was where it needed to be. Not for true lasting victory, anyway. 

You know the sayings.. “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone!” … or…. “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Both of these statements are true of how my sister now feels about “that place”…. “those people.” Sometimes the best way to appreciate something is to be without it for a while! 

Before… in her words she “would’ve rather been in jail”….. now she would do anything to get back there! 

I truly believe that this needed to take place. Because if the Lord tarries, and she is allowed back there; those that are charged with her care will finally be able to minister to her. Their words (and more importantly Gods!) will not fall on unfertile ground! 

My prayer for her whatever may happen in the next coming weeks.. That she would allow Him to change her completely!!! Into His image!! That her heart would be soft. That she would seek him with every being in her! That she would desire Him more than the things this world has to offer!! That her relationship with Him would be sweet. 

I’m not sure what her future holds. But I’m confident God does!! I do know however, that the change that I’ve seen in her heart is the most encouraged I’ve been since we’ve started on this journey!! 

I’ve said it before, to many people, I’ll say it again…. Gods word NEVER returns void!!! Thankful for this truth and the visible evidence of that in her life from the many seeds that were planted during her time there!! 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9) 

Perspective 


Having the right perspective about any given situation can completely change a whole host of things. Beginning with your attitude and ending with your choices that result in the path you find yourself on. 

My perspective nearly 2 years ago now, lead me into the arms of someone who was not good for me, while simultaneously leading me away from my family, from my kids, from everyone that meant the world to me. I had been back on the path into their lives, when my feet followed His feet. 

What was my perspective you might be wondering. Well for starters it was rooted in pity! My entire being was completely enveloped in it!  I lost “him”. I lost “them.” I lost “me” Thats what I was consumed with. 

Often, very often actually, people would co-sign my self pity! They would say things like: “awww you’ve been through so much! You poor thing!” These types of comments made it easier for me to play the victim. They made it easier and acceptable to “wallow.” 

I was so self-focused. I was stuck in the “why me!?” 

In the “there’s no coming back from this, not fully anyways!”

 In the “I deserve him. I deserve this!”

 In the “God doesn’t care”…. “God doesn’t want me back,”  

In the…. “they ARE all better off without me” 

Oh the lies Satan told me about myself. They were too many to count. They were what I clung to. What I wallowed in. What I believed with everything in me! They are what laid the ground work for my perspective.  For the path I found myself on. 

I couldn’t see past the “mess” of my life, much of it created by my very own hands! At the same time, unwilling to take responsibility for it. Instead I wanted to wade in those deep waters of self pity, where I was drowning. 

What changed you might be wondering? Well isn’t it obvious? It was my perspective. I am no longer waring from the wrong position!! I no longer stand looking at my life through the lenses of the world. 

It took some time. It took a lot of hard work. Dedication. Understanding. Willingness to admit that perhaps I am “wrong!!”

I am now able to see my life through the telescope of Gods word. 

Through the magnifying glass in my saviors hands. 

I see it with His eyes, and not my own! 

I no longer look at myself as Hopeless. Something the World once told me I was! Over and over!

I no longer see my role in my children’s lives as minimized. Oh how great an influence I can be!! How mighty I can show them that My Jesus is!! The one whom redeemed their mother from the wiles of the enemeys hand!! The one whom sustains her!! Her true source of Joy admits her circumstances!! 

I no longer see myself as “useless.” You see, I AM a daughter of a king. I am made in HIS imagine. I have a great message to share!! One of redemption and hope. 

I am no longer a slave to sin. The evil one can no longer take me captive at “his will!” I am free!!

He has traded me beauty for my ashes, the oil of joy for my mourning, the garment of praise for my spirit of heaviness…. That I might be called a tree of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that HE might be glorified!! (Isaiah 61:3, paraphrased) 

Thankful today for my position in Christ and the perspective that comes with it!! 

A Pit of Regret

Regret. If I’m not careful, it grips me. When it happens, there is this deep pit in my stomach. A kind of anxiousness washes over me. Because of everything I’ve done. Moments I’ve missed. Everyone I’ve hurt. Those I’ve lost.

regretwoman

It happens when I look at pictures of my children that took place when I was in my addiction, jail, or rehab. Pictures of my sister and her husband, my adorable nephews. Of my amazing parents. A cousins missed wedding. My Kids Christmas performances at school. Dance Recitals. Taekwondo test days for my sons.  It happens when I look at the text messages my mother still has that my husband sent her before he passed away. It happens when I look at our old family pictures when our life was…. beautiful.

Sometimes I think it would just be a good idea to put the pictures away. To not look at the text messages. To ignore any reminder of moments I’ve missed.

Avoidance. I often feel like it would be the “right” choice in this instance.

But then I realize…. No, It wouldn’t. Pretending like those things never happened doesn’t make anything different. It doesn’t make my poor choices go away. They did happen. My life is living proof.

Those reminders, the ones that are so painful, urge me to “keep doing the next right thing.” Because I never want to miss out on another moment. Ever!!

Oh it’s so easy to beat myself for all the wrong I’ve done. For the hurt I’ve caused.

But that does no one any good. Especially not myself.

Often this leads to self pity. Which is a form of pride. It’s ugly. It takes the focus off of others, off of God, and places it on self.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s wrong to mourn over our sin. To have a ‘broken and contrite heart’!!

Originally that’s where it starts for me. But if I wallow in it for too long, like I did tonight, it turns into more. This is when it because a problem. Rather a Sin.

I know we all have things in our lives we regret. Perhaps your things haven’t been as life altering as my “things,” or perhaps they have.

What I want to share with you is a truth that I learned from RU recovery ministries. It is principle #10 (out of 10 principles) – God balances guilt with blame. Accept the blame and God will remove the guilt.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The key, once you’ve accepted the blame. Once you can honestly say, I did this. It wasn’t because you had a rough childhood. Or because your mom died. Or your boyfriend made you. You lost your job. Or You had some health issues.  Once you can take ownership of your mistakes, and you’ve laid it at the foot of the cross, You CANNOT keep picking it back up.

If only it was easier said then done. Right!?!

This is something I need to continually take to the feet my of my precious savior. Most of the time, I don’t get stuck in this rut. But there are some moments that Satan uses to get a hold of my heart and turn it from the Lord, towards myself. Towards my situation. When he condemns me and tells me I’m no good because of who I WAS. What I DID.

His goal: To render me useless. To get me all tangled up in a web of emotions. To render me incapable of being used by God!!

That is his goal for all christians. He knows He can no longer have our souls, but if he can get us to wallow in our self pity.. it won’t be long before we are unusable to Christ. Before we are too depressed to share the goodness of God with others. And even if we did share, why on earth would the listener believe a word we are saying!?!

It’s like seeking advice from a morbidly obese nutritionist. A Christian without joy, what does that look like to the world? Why would anyone want what we have if we are miserable? If we are mopey. If there is no joy? If when difficulties come we react the same as the world… With frustration. With anger. With bitterness. With fear.

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Don’t live in the past. Bring your past mistakes to the cross, genuinely repent, and leave them there.

There is a reason the windshield is larger than the rearview mirror. The rearview mirror is important to see what’s behind you – But you need to focus on the windshield to make sure you don’t crash!

Siggy

Learn More About Chrystal Here

Or read some of her other Posts:

Life’s Not Fair

A Deep Hole

 

Willfully Ignorant

At times in my life – I would describe myself as “willfully ignorant.” I hate to admit it. But for the most part, I think we can all say we’ve been this in some aspect of our lives at some point. This post is about exactly that. Christians in particular.

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I started a new job a few months back. Since starting there, I have had the opportunity to talk with a few of my co-workers about God.

The conversations all being initiated by them. I’m now convinced that when you act different then the World, it lights a flame, a small flicker, in others that the World once snuffed out. It’s ignites a curiosity in them. 

Witnessing can be difficult with Americans. Thanks to our freedom to worship, most Americans have been spoon fed bits and pieces of the gospel. But many never it’s in its entirety. Never without Satan’s sly and cunning handprint on it. 

The ‘truths’ many know, have been told to them. They believe what they believe because someone they trusted told them something. I’ve been here. However, I am lucky that those that I trusted where trustworthy. I’ve come to find out firsthand that what they told me lined up with God’s Word. 

Are some of the things you believe and hold so dear not because you personally found it in the Bible, but only because someone told you it was Truth!?! Now stop and really think about that? Are you honestly willing to gamble your eternity on the word of someone else? 

A common falsehood that takes the Gospel from ‘He paid it all’ to ‘Well, His all wasn’t enough!’ .. is a Works based salvation. 

WillworkforSalvation

So many people, including many that claim the name Christian, believe that they must be good. Try harder. Do better. Sin less. To be saved. 

This belief is ultimately rooted in pride and based on a false premise “I am good enough. I can do this.”

Just crack open your bible and you will read all throughout that:

‘…There is None righteous, no not one’ – Romans 3:10

‘But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags’ – Isiah 64:6a

Titus 3:5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost

Eph. 22:8-9 – For by grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of Works, lest any man should boast.

Despite the overwhelming proof that it doesn’t, let’s just say for a minute that a works based salvation is what the bible taught for arguments sake. Who are we comparing ourselves to? Where is this line drawn? Who is too bad? And who is good enough?

When are your actions deemed bad enough to send you burn for eternity into the hellfire? And when are you good enough to walk on the streets of Gold? 

streets-of-gold

Where does it lay out this in His word. For surely a Loving God wouldn’t leave us to lead lives constantly wondering if we were good enough? If this is true, there must be some sort of guide in his word. 

Oh wait – there is, the 10 commandments. Have you ever lied? Cheated? Stolen? Lusted? Hated? Loved something more than God? 

If you have, then you are not worthy to walk those streets of Gold. 

Why am I writing this.. to challenge others to search out the scriptures. To KNOW that what they believe comes from Gods word.

(And when I say that, I don’t mean hop on a website and find someone that has twisted scripture to fit their teachings and your beliefs. Because you can. You will. Instead Read it, study it. And rightly divide it!  (2Tim 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.))

Satan doesn’t care if we know that there is a God, He cares however if you KNOW God! He cares if you know WHO Jesus Christ is and what He did for you! And who you are without Him vs. who you are with Him. 

Eternity. That is a very long time. Forever in fact. Are you sure you want to chance your eternal destination on the beliefs someone else has passed down to you?

Siggy

Learn more about Chrystal Here

Read some of her other Posts:
A Deep Hole
History ALWAYS Repeats Itself
MY Jesus

Life’s Not Fair


Life’s not fair. I tell that to my children a lot. And perhaps it is good for us that it’s not. For me it has been.

This post was provoked by this Wednesday evening’s church service. The pews were not very full. There was maybe 25 people, including myself and 2 of my children.

Following the hymns and message we broke up into small groups to pray. For our church. Our Country. Our missionaries. Our families. Anything heavy on our hearts.

This night I had the privilege of praying with just 1 woman. This woman has been so kind and welcoming since I started attending this church just a few months ago. I can be a bit shy when I don’t know anyone. I’d describe myself as a introvert/extrovert. If I’m comfortable in my surroundings, if I know people, I’m outgoing. The opposite is also true.

We sat alone in the back of the church. She asked me if I had anything on my heart that I’d like prayer for. I told her about my sister in Rockford. And also my children – that they would desire a relationship with Christ and follow Him.

I then asked her the same question. She went on telling me about her marriage. Her husband. How he has stopped attending church. How he blames God for the way his life is. She made a statement that made my heart ache for him. He believes that since he has become a Christian, his life has been awful. I’m not sure what in particular he has experienced in life that has created this bitterness towards God, but I could definitely relate.

I’ve felt what he’s feeling. I know what bitterness towards God does to someone. I was where he is.

GodSovern

In my life, it was the death of two of my children that were the cause of my bitterness towards Him. I too believed in Him. I loved Him. Until my faith was tried. When I had to watch two of my children slip away into eternity, I stopped believing that the God I once loved, was good.

As has this Man. As do many.

Bitterness towards God breads distrust. Causing an inability to trust him with even the tiniest pieces of your life. It leads to anger – towards God and those around you. It spills out of you into all areas of your life.

Often times, in our finite view of God, we believe that He should remove the ‘difficulties’ that life brings. Those that our fallen world promise. We believe that we should be immune because we ‘love’ him. Because we are called by His name – ‘Christian.’

When I became bitter I knew that the Lord allowed what was happening. To Me. To My babies. To my husband. To my Family. I knew that everything that happened in my life, first passed through HIS hands!

Proverbs 16:33 The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD.

What I didn’t realize at that time, was that he allowed it for a very specific purpose. For Good. For My Good!

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28 

His purpose – to draw me to himself.

LoveStoryOur ways are not his ways. He knows exactly what we need. He allows things for reasons we may never know on this side of Heaven. There is not one thing that occurs outside his sustaining and intentional will. He blesses and curses. He gives and takes.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.Isaiah 55

I KNOW that I was able to fall so far from Him, because I never truly knew Him. My relationship was so superficial. There was no depth.

I didn’t know that…

He’s not inconsistent. He’s not unreliable. And he’s not removed. HE IS STEADFAST!

He never leaves you. (Mat. 28:20)

He cares about the smallest things in your life. Even the number of times you stand up and sit down (Ps 139:2). He knows the number of the hairs on your head (Luke 12:7). He holds all of our tears in a bottle (Ps. 56:8).

The Key: Realizing that God loves you more than you can even begin to fathom. He isn’t up there surprised at what’s going on in your life. He isn’t mean. He isn’t Vengeful. Does He allow things? Yes, but they are always for a purpose, even if we can’t begin to understand what it could be.

Finally, I just wanted to add a little blurb about the paths we find ourselves on and the things that occur in our lives. Often times, we have no control over what happens. Other times, the choices we made brought us to where we are at. It’s called free will.

Our choices sometimes cause us to suffer unnecessarily. I made many of these types of choices over the years.

These choices resulted in a full blown heroin addiction. In the removal of my children from my care. In the death of my husband.

It’s easier to blame God then to take responsibility for our choices. Our Mistakes.

In conclusion – Yes, God is in control.

And He is good. Always.

Ask yourself: If life was all mountain tops with no valleys……. would we ever turn to Him? Would we ever realize our desperate need for him? I am so thankful for my valleys for they are where I’ve experienced His love. They are where I was able to see who He really was. My prayer that this man would truly know Christ, and that He is always good, despite lifes circumstances.

Siggy

Learn more about Chrystal Here

 

 

 

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

I’m rubber your glue, whatever you say to me, bounces off of me and sticks to you.

If only these common childhood sayings were true.

WordsPower

Words. They have great power. They Build Up. They Tear Down. They Hurt. They Heal.  They Hinder. They Help. They Encourage. They Despair.

They are one of the most powerful weapons we have as humans. They are permanent. Spoken words cannot be erased.

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What happens when you are the target of negative words. Do you retaliate? What do you do when those insults are true, or at least were true of you at one time. How do you respond?

Today I was faced with a situation much like this. This isn’t the first, and I know it will not be the last. The words cut into me like a knife. My pride welled up. I cried. I do that when I’m upset. Let’s just be real – I do it when I’m hurt, happy, sad, offended, etc. I’m an emotional person. As the saying goes, ‘I wear my heart on my sleeve.’ I hate that about myself.

The words came from one of my children. It was in a situation when I was trying to make her aware of her actions in that moment. She took that opportunity to bring up my past actions. I was trying to parent and she reminded me I had lost that right. She didn’t hold anything back. She only spoke two sentences. It happened in all of 3 seconds. I was vividly and painfully reminded of the mistakes I made that brought us to this very moment.

At first, my pride welled up. Stupid, right? I thought, you can’t do that! That’s so disrespectful! I’m trying so hard! That WAS me. That’s NOT me! I said a few things I wish I hadn’t. I’m sure she did as well.

I went to take a shower. So I could cry. And Pray…. and cry some more. While I was in there, I realized that if it hadn’t been true it wouldn’t hurt so bad. That I was reaping in that moment what I’ve sown in the past.

Most of the time, things are GREAT! But in times like these, I’m reminded how badly I’ve hurt those who I was entrusted to protect. How deeply I’ve wounded them. And now this was her chance to do the same to me. Hurt people, hurt people. Plain and simple.

It might sound odd, but I’m thankful for moments like this. It reminds me that my actions have consequences that are far beyound anything I can see.

It reminds me that my words have power.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof – Prov 18:21

It reminds me that my children are hurting, and need grace.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. – Eph 4:29

It reminds me that I need to be willing to forgive those that have wronged me, because I know how badly I want it from those who I have wronged.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you – Mat. 6:14

Thankful for the truths from the Bible that breath new life into my soul at times like these.

Really, I’m just thankful.

Thankful for my children.

Thankful for the valleys.

Thankful for His forgiveness.

Thankful for deliverance.

Thankful.

Siggy

Learn more about Chrystal Here

Or read some of her other posts:
A Deep Hole
One Foot in the World

Enabling

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This is a topic that has come up often in conversation over the past few weeks with different people in my life. Because of my past, I have a different perspective on the topic than others. I realize this can be a touchy subject for some. I'm writing this in an effort to help those who might be on the outside looking in – Perhaps you have a loved one that is in bondage as I once was, or you have a friend that has a child that is struggling; Whatever it may be, I pray that this would give some insight, some help, and some relief to the guilt you may be feeling.

Let's get down to it now that we've completed the introductions. What does it mean to enable someone? Lets take a look at the official definition in the dictionary:

Enable

What does this look like in the life of an addict?

Perhaps your loved one needs money for Rent. Food. Clothes/shoes for that new job they told you they got. For the doctor or a prescription they need. For diapers or formula for their new baby. For gas for their car?

Sound familiar?

How do you tell them no? How could you possibly not help?

What kind of person would you be if you didn't buy diapers for your grandchild? Or helped them get those new work boots so they could change their future?! After all, they are trying right?

Let me share a secret with you – Addicts are some of the BEST manipulators out there. We will say/do whatever we need to, to get exactly what we want (DRUGS!). Does your grandchild need diapers? Of course they do. But your child KNOWS that you WILL buy those diapers, so they have no need to. They instead use that money on the very thing that is slowly killing every part of who they once were.

Let me show you something sobering:

You child has $20 in their pocket for diapers. But thats all they have. It's either diapers or drugs. They call you. You help. You drop off the diapers.

diapers

Instead of buying diapers with their $20…. They buy this:

heroin

Maybe your thinking – "well they will just go steal the diapers then." You are probably right. Depending on how far gone they are, they will. I do realize that no one wants to see their child in criminal trouble. It hard. It's embarrassing. Its often permanent on their record. Sometimes thats exactly what people need to realize that they need to change.

THEY NEED TO HIT THEIR BOTTOM. And everyone's is different. My bottom was losing my husband to a drug overdose, my children to the state, AND legal trouble.  I pray your loved one's isn't as deep is mine. But let me tell you – if you don't allow them to do so, your diaper purchase might just be the $20 that cost them their life!!

The guilt you have from that will far outweigh any diaper purchase you refused to make. I PROMISE YOU! 

Please do not make it easier on them to get the very thing that is killing them, figuratively and litterally!

It would be unfair to say that there are times when people do genuinely want to change and are making steps to – however, more often than not, you ARE just enabling their addiction. Love in this instance means saying "NO! I can't help you. If and when you are ready for real help, I'm here."

I do want to urge one more thing – If you can stand it, LOVE THEM. Be there for them emotionally. Text them just to let them know that you love them. I can promise you that they know what they are doing is a dissapointment, it's wrong, it hurts everyone around them. There is a time for those words – but more often than not what they need to hear is "I STILL LOVE YOU". LOVE THEM.

In my life – I was lucky in that my parents realized quickly that enabling me would only hurt me. (However I did have other people in my life that enabled me. Men mostly.) My parents never gave up on me, although there were times were I'm sure they wanted to. They loved me through the times when I was most Unlovable. I've said it so many times, and I will continue to – They were truly a picture of Christ's Love in my life. No matter how far I went, they were there with open arms to welcome me back home! Instead of helping monitarily – BE THAT for your loved one!!

And above all things have fervent charity (love) among yourselves: for charity (love) shall cover the multitude of sins. –1 Peter 4:8 

Hatred Stirreth up Strifes: But love covereth all sins. -Provers 10:12

Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? – Romans 2:4

Siggy

Learn more about Chrystal Here

Find help for your love one here:
Addiction? Help!
RU Recovery Ministries – Faith Based Addictions Ministry.
RU Homes – Residential Treatment for those who need a little more help.

Unlovable

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Have you ever heard it said “Don’t pray for the Lord to remove your pride or for patience, because he will place situations into your life where you are forced to work on those things.

I’ve just recently found the same is true about asking the Lord to help you love the unlovable. When I prayed this, I wasn’t quite sure why I prayed it – as I wasn’t struggling with this currently. The next morning I quickly found out why the Lord prompted me to pray this prayer in my morning devotions.

In the prayer section of my journal I wrote…

“Help me to show others Jesus”

Then….

“Help me to love the unlovable”

The next morning I woke up to a phone call. One that I had been anticipating. But I never saw what happened next, coming.

(A little back story: Because of choices over two years ago now, I got into some legal trouble due to my drug addiction. Because of that I am on probation until next year. I just recently moved to a new county and had to have my probation transferred. Now that your caught up we can continue.)

That phone call was from my new probation officer whom left a rather angry message on my voicemail at 6am. To say I was confused would be an understatement. I went into her office that morning to meet her.

As I sat there in the waiting room, I texted my boss to let him know that I may be a few minutes late, as I did not expect this meeting to take place that morning. As I was sitting there texting, she came out to grab another “offender”, the minute she stepped out of the door she snapped at me to get off of my cellphone.

I sat there for another 15/20 minutes waiting for her to call me. She finally did about 20 minutes before I was suppose to be at work. I don’t recall all that was said, but I still remember HOW she talked to me and how it made me feel. She treated me like I was scum. Like everything that came out of my mouth was a lie. I got the impression that she believed any person that came through her doors was “less than”. Many times she would ask me a question, when I’d attempt to respond, she’d shut me down. She would tell me to be quiet.

I do remember a few things from our conversation.

After she so much as told me as I was full of it, I responded “I know what you use to dealing with” She shut me down right there and responded “You can’t possibly know what I’m use to dealing with. You are not in my head. So don’t pretend like you could ever understand me”

A few minutes after this she had asked me about a violation I had previously. I started to explain. She shut me down. I then responded: “You just asked me a question, don’t you want me to explain so you can understand” Her response: “I could never understand you. And I don’t want to try.”

This woman was angry. Mean. Hurtful. Condesending. She made me cry many tears. I was NOT prepared. I had not meet with the Lord yet that morning, I was vaulerable.

I was like “a city broken down and without walls.” I had “no rule over my own spirit”. I took everything personal. I was upset that she couldn’t possibly believe that I was no longer the person who brought me through her doors. I knew I wasn’t, why couldn’t she see I wasn’t.

The berating did not cease until I successfully passed a drug test at the end of our meeting. She no longer wanted to talk. She set our next meeting and sent me away. It was as if she was disappointed.

As I climbed into my car following the meeting, I heard “LOVE HER!” I was quickly reminded that at points in my life, I was unloveable. And what this woman needed RIGHT now was LOVE!

Above all else I needed to Love her.

The lord has placed her in my life for a reason, and me in hers for possibly a totally separate reason. This wasn’t by chance. This wasn’t an accident. It was ordained by Him. It passed through His hands. He allowed this!

My mission:

To Show her Christ.

To Show her Love.

To show her that Christ can change someone who was in a situation where the rest of the world deemed hopeless.

To show her the Joy that following Christ brings.

To say that I am excited about this new person in my life might seem weird to some. But this is a great opportunity to show MY Jesus to someone who is in need of Him. To someone who is hurting. I’m asking that you please pray for the both of us in our new relationship. Our next meeting is this coming tuesday! I look forward to sharing how our relationship progresses!!

Matthew 5:46-48 46For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Siggy

Learn more about Chrystal by Reading:

About Her

Or some of her other posts:

A Deep Hole

One Foot in the World

 

A Deep Hole

A Deep Hole. He left one when he died. I thought I would spend the rest of my life loving him. Yesterday would’ve been his 35th birthday. For a long time I tried desperately to fill that hole with other things. Drugs and Men Mostly. I wanted to numb the pain. I needed to be loved by someone like he loved me.

You see, when I was a child – I wanted to be a wife and mother more than anything else, when I grew up. That was my “dream.” So when I no longer had either one of those things, after having them for so many years…. I was lost. I had no purpose. I wallowed in self-pity and sin. I just didn’t care anymore. Not about my life or anyone else’s.

I vividly remember having a conversation with someone about a certain man I choose to be with after the passing of my husband. As we talked through the choices I made that lead me down the destructive path I was on – I realized that he was exactly the opposite of who my husband was. The following words came out of my mouth and surprised me more than I think they did the person I was talking to. I said:

“Ken would’ve threw himself in front of a bus to save me…. XXXX would’ve thrown me in front of a bus to save himself

I sat there in her office, confused by the statement that I just made. She responded: “Why do you think you choose Him?” I couldn’t answer. I just shrugged my shoulders with tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t know.  My husband was loving. This man was full of self-love. My husband was thoughtful. This man’s only thoughts were of himself. My husband was gentle. This man inflicted not only emotional pain, but on many occasions – physical. My husband cherished me. This man used me, in every way possible.

Still to this day, I’m not sure why I choose him. My best guess – He was different. He didn’t remind me of my husband. In some ways, it made being with him less painful.

After I started to piece my life back together, I still had that hole, a hole so deep that I didn’t know how to fill it. I yearned to be a wife and a mother to my children. I wanted those two things more than anything else in this world. It wasn’t long before I realized that I couldn’t fill that hole…. But HE could! He has.

When I see fathers with their children…. and I long to see Ken with ours.. HE IS ENOUGH

When I see a husband and a wife in a happy embrace…. HE IS ENOUGH

When I hear couples celebrating another year happily married…. HE IS ENOUGH

When His birthday comes, as it did yesterday…. HE IS ENOUGH

When I have to fall asleep alone with no one to hold me… HE IS ENOUGH

The way He fills this hole is so sweet. This hole drives me to my Savior. To My Jesus.

I no longer allow it to drive me into the arms of a man that God most certainly never intended for me to be with in the first place. Instead – I will wait on the LORD. I once read that you are never ready to enter into a relationship until you first learn how to allow the Lord to fulfill your every need. Thankful for this sweet time where I’m learning how to do this.

“But My God shall supply all your needs according to his riches and glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19)

“For HE satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness” (Ps. 107:9)

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband… You are missed!

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Siggy